A bad hangover, a busted hand and the memory of kicking someone in the ribs...

hmm, last night. A big blur with alot of random memories. It was an interesting night to say the least. But one that I would happily forget. Last night made me remember the mess that I'm in and how I am looking in all the wrong places for help.

I am looking at alcohol, sex, cutting, appreciation... anything other than God to make me feel better. But I no longer want to be like this, I dont want to keep looking to things that will destroy me to make me feel better.

As the title of this says I have a bad hangover, a busted hand and I kicked someone in the ribs, to be fair the latter was in self defence. But thats not the point. I shouldnt be like this. Why am I like this? I dont really know... All I know is that I'm broken inside, I am hurting and no one cares.

I mutilate myself to make the pain real. Like last night, I just kept punching a wall until my knuckles were about to bleed. Any why? Because I felt, still feel, so worthless and unloved. So untouchable and so ashamed of who I am. I am not the person God wants me to be, or the person I want to be. I wonder sometimes if I will ever be that person.

All I know right now though is that I'm just a lost girl trying to find her way home... and she is calling out for help but no one is taking the time to listen or care.