A passing thought

So life is passing quickly since I finished college. I dont know what to do with myself now a days. I have applied for JSA so hopefully that will be some form of income and a way to gain some training and experience in some career path.

I have been reflecting alot recently. I know I have written about this before but yeah I have been looking back at the years I spent at high school and how that part of my life, school, is over.

Its a scary thought, one that I am terrified by. I am so scared about my gap year and going to uni next year. I am scared that I am going to fail at my Alevels and not get a place in uni. I am scared of letting everyone down and of letting myself down. I dont want to screw up. I cant screw up. i cant, wont, be a failure! Not again!

I am hoping that God will lead the way and I am slowly starting to trust Him with this part of my life.

I am also slowly begining to trust Him with my knee, and all the pain that goes with it. It is so painful some days, but I dont want it to affect my life. Although it already is. It stops me from playing all the sports I love and I feel like I cant be with my friends because no one fully understands the pain I am suffering. All my non-xian friends just carry on and dont think about if I am in pain or not. Because of this I push myself further than I know I can go to prove to them that I can do it and that I'm not an invilid... I just want to be normal again.